Hiding behind the noise, interactions and social negotiations that take place daily, it lingers, waiting sometimes months, sometimes decades to come out and and embrace you.
Oh, the subtle ways we compromise our lives away. Behind statements like "it's not worth it" or "yeah, you're right", a type of paralysis sets in, the kind that alienates you from who you really are. Because at some level or another, we're all harmony junkies. And harmony, the beautiful sound of complimentary notes, is so seductive that we don't even know what we're buying into to keep the music going until one day we wake up and and we get a big bill, the kind that comes in the form of realization - that what we're putting out to people isn't truly representative of who we really are, that we're wasting our precious time on things that are not advancing our own causes, that we've missed the point that harmony inside of ourselves has to come before harmony outside ourselves. You know what harmony that's based upon us shutting ourselves up is? It's a myth, that's what it is.
If we do the things that align ourselves with our own truth, it will set wheels in motion that will alter the course of every relationship we have with other people. Being true to ourselves requires bravery, but it won't feel that way. It will feel like we're just awful, like everyone around us thinks we've become self-absorbed, combative, hormonal, disagreeable, just well, different, and not in a good way. But a funny thing happens. If you stay with who you are, hold onto it, walk with your truth even if it's not the most pleasant companion at times, relationships start to shift seismically, and the people that really understand, who have always really understood, will celebrate you.
The others? Well, that's where the myth part comes in.
Because when harmony is based upon concepts that are out of whack with who we really are, like putting other people's comfort level with us ahead of our own comfort level with us, it's not harmony at all. It's a self destructive, bad thing to do. And sometimes, we do it for years, not even giving it a second thought. Aren't you kind of tired of keeping the peace for peace's sake? I sure am. I mean I can be social. After all, I'm in the hospitality business, right? So I'm not going to whip out my "I respectfully disagree with what you're saying there," while I'm touring people around the pool.But in our core relationships, it's my contention that we do all of them - and ourselves- a huge favor if they know who we are and where we stand. Like that they know who they are loving. And so do we. We're loving our truth.
Taking this a notch further, I'd like to share some things I've been doing. First of all, I've completed my first novel, whose working title is True Vines. The manuscript is now out in the Universe chasing down its destiny as I try to become a published writer. The journey of writing True Vines was a steep, rugged path on several fronts. The book tells of a woman who at upper-midlife finds herself alone and starting again in the midst of radical geographical and emotional change. It's a story about collecting the mosaic pieces of past experiences and setting them into some kind of pattern that speaks to a greater truth for the future.
Writing a 115,00o word novel was a reckoning of sorts. Before starting True Vines, I was about fifty percent through writing my memoir about opening our bed and breakfast. But something stopped me, blocked me from moving forward with that project. I just wasn't feeling it: I had been through too much the last eight years with making this project happen and no words I was capable of into my Mac could adequately express the palate of emotions I had been through. Instead of fighting, I gave in to the message, and soon thereafter, out poured True Vines, like it had been waiting there the whole time behind my egotistical need to write memoir, hoping that I would at some point be ready to hear the voices of characters from which, during the course of writing the book, I learned so much. It's a novel that searches for the truth inside each character's flawed, pained, fragile stories. Writing it brought me so much, and I am so thankful to have been given the chance to take first steps in becoming an empathetic story teller.
Now that the novel is finished and on its path finding a way to you, I'm on to other things.
Pottery is one of them, of course, as it always will be. The yang to my writing yin.
Trying to get as healthy as possible for the 2012 season of arriving B&B guests is another. And a third is writing a new book, this time an Ebook, one that will be available to you directly from me, about finding your own personal truth, and taking occupancy of it. About coping with the consequences of shifting others' paradigms of who we are by standing true to ourselves and about how to take that new found confidence and manifest new creations - creations based upon the things that are important to us as a soul level and making them happen because we can no longer stop our own truth from pouring out.
Does that sound like an exciting journey? It is, you know.
And since I work better under pressure, a fact that is a basic truth about who I am, I am putting the commitment to this new Ebook out to you now. I've started it, framed it, and I'll be self publishing it - and keeping you informed about the process along the way.
The title? Your Truth. What else? It will be your book about the things that are tucked behind and hidden inside of your soul, waiting to come out and embrace you and change everything.